wabi-sabi

explanation 1: "as a single idea, wabi-sabi fuses two moods seamlessly: a sigh of slightly bittersweet contentment, awareness of the transience of earthly things, and a resigned pleasure in simple things that bear the marks of that transience" -The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, written by Amy Rosenthal

explanation 2: Japanese aesthetic that "defines beauty as imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete" -The Bucolic Plague, written by Josh Kilmer-Purcell


I was first introduced to this term in Manhattan circa 2006 when reading The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. I fell in love with the book (a hilarious and light-heartedly insightful memoir that anyone with a quirky sense of humor like mine would thoroughly enjoy) and was intrigued by the term, but like most other things I'm intrigued by in life, I got too distracted by, well, life, to follow up on it with much existential pondering as I'd intended. In fact, I'd pretty much completely forgotten about it (like most other things in life...) until just yesterday when I came across it again reading The Bucolic Plague (another awesome book- memoir of the couple from The Fabulous Beekman Boys. Both the book and the show are light-heartedly insightful and things that anyone with a quirky sense of humor like mine would thoroughly enjoy). Seeing the term "wabi-sabi" again triggered something in my oft-overactive brain. That's not a term you come across everyday, unless you're studying Japanese aesthetics, perhaps. I went crazy for the next 24ish hours, scouring my memory for which book (memoir) Soo suggested I read that also contained this term, eventually landing on TEoaOL, where I found explanation 1 (see above).

Perhaps the reason I was so struck by this term, aside from it's obvious off-beat-ness with a side of deeper meaning, was the way it seemed to click with my life. Not just now- though now it's particularly fitting- but pretty much consistently. (I realize consistent wabi-sabi is almost a contradiction in itself, but it makes sense.)

Anyone who knows me well knows my affinity for impermanence. Hell, people usually figure that much out about an hour into meeting me. I've had 22 addresses and 14 roommates in 26 years. I attended classes at 4 different colleges. Transience provides some level of comfort for me. My biggest fear is the concept of opportunity lost forever, so it stands to reason constant change would create some level of zen since it is essentially an expression of endless possibility. The idea of slightly bittersweet contentment reference in explanation 1 is addressed unknowingly in the back to the future blog post. Ironic foreshadowing.

Incomplete seems like an obvious one seeing as I'm still breathing, but honestly, my list of things to do before I die is pretty extensive. And incomplete. I've been working on a bunch of them, but it seems every time I cross something off, I add something else. The very definition of wabi-sabi.

Last but far from least- imperfection. Again, super obvious to anyone I meet pretty much as soon as I open my mouth. I tease that I have no filter sometimes, and tend to let the silly out without fear of repercussion (mostly outside of professional settings, at least until I test the boundaries). I'm an open book. No topic is taboo with me, because I embrace my flaws. I've learned from them. They're part of my personality. Take it or leave it. I've got nothing to hide, because my imperfections may help someone else with theirs. I prefer to be around people who are real more so than those who put up a perceptively perfect front. Cue quote inclusion...

"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." -Magical Thinking, written by Augusten Burroughs

A spontaneously changing ball of flaws infinitely in progress... sounds about right :)


**Side note: I had more profound thoughts to expand on when I originally had this little epiphany yesterday afternoon, but a) I got distracted and b) espn is on in the background and NFL trades are being discussed, which essentially means my ability to focus on anything else drops drastically.
**Side note #2: I highly recommend the reading of all three of the books quoted above. The authors are fantastic.
**Side note #3: Yes, I am a quote fiend.

back to the future

Every time a pseudo-life changing event is in the works-- and let's face it, that's about once a year with me-- I get so excited about the new stuff that I start to ignore what's going on right now. Especially when it comes to a big move, when I should be spending more time with the family and/or friends I'm about to leave, I tend to spend more time deliberating over the logistics of the move instead. I try to coordinate events and times to meet up with everyone, but when plans fall through, I'm happily distracted by sketching out the layout of my new place and mentally decorating it.

It's never until the new wears off, usually about 2-3 months after the pseudo-life changing event, that I start to appreciate the situation I just left. Whether it was a job, apartment, state, hair color, whatever, I often don't appreciate it till it's gone. Not to say the new things aren't awesome, cause most of the time they are. It makes me wonder, though, if half the reason I change things up so often is because I love the excitement that comes with change. Don't get me wrong-- sometimes it's actually that the previous situation sucked. Not to unbearable levels, but levels of suckiness enough to justify the effort it takes to change them. (See: Camden) Sometimes, it's been my whole you-only-live-once motto kicking in. (See: 2 stints in Manhattan) Often, it's because I'm not where I want to be, either physically or metaphorically speaking, and life is too short to wait around when you come to that realization.

NC has been great for many reasons, and not so great for some, too. Getting emails about the impending awesomeness that awaits back in Gainesville has gotten me super hyped up for fall. And not just because of football, I promise! (Though, yes, that's part of the exciting stuff.) I'm excited to hang out with the people in my cohort and the 2nd years in our program. I'm excited about going back to class. I'm excited about working in the AAC (talk about creepy-in-a-good-way foreshadowing). I'm excited about my new place (no roommates this time! no offense... :) ). I'm excited about writing papers and reading new textbooks. I'm excited to plan my summer internship (Helsinki or Italy... Helsinki or Italy...). I'm not excited about loans, but honestly, they're so not bad it's almost ridiculous. I'm excited for everything that's coming with going back to my home state & my alma mater for grad school. Now for the next 29 days, I have to remember to appreciate everything in Raleigh that's also awesome before I leave it till Christmas break.