clear eyes. full hearts. can't lose.

First semester of grad school: done! All sorts of crazy happened along the way, but I made it out alive. The only exam we had was even easier than I thought, and I was probably one of the least worried in the class. Then again, theory terms have now pretty much become part of my cohort’s regular vocab, and, more critically, we were pretty much told everything but the application part, so it shouldn’t have been that shocking. The other two courses had final papers, and coming from psych where lit reviews were the norm, they didn’t really worry me either.

This last week before break, I finally had time to get some work stuff done and start planning for spring. With a few strategic moves, I was able to land my informal prac with student-athletes in the spring and work that into my advising and course schedule pretty seamlessly. By the grace of the AAC, I get spring break off work as a bonus, which will be perfect timing for what shall henceforth be dubbed Mission: Midwest Internship. Objectives- visit my Midwest peeps while visiting a select list of Wisconsin and Illinois universities with athletic programs, and leaving with one of them hiring me as a summer intern. I’ve already been in touch with UW-Madison, and it would be a great opportunity to meet my contacts there in person regardless, but hopefully, it will result in working together over the summer, too.

Yes, I’m crazy enough to give up my week of freedom that could be spent on a Florida beach or other awesome warm location to trek through snow in the tundra, but I’m determined. (And besides, I owe Austin, like, 5 visits.) Coach Taylor’s infamous pre-game speech from Friday Night Lights is quickly becoming my mantra for life. It’s been working so far… 

feels like gravity ain’t got no hold on me

It’s been a good week. Sure, the Packers ticket thing may not have happened. It sucks, but I’ll get to Lambeau for a game eventually & hopefully get to visit my Wisconsin fam again soon. The Midwest pulled through in all ways aside from the semi-catastrophic lack of Packers tickets, so enough good stuff went down to outweigh the sad for sure. And call me old or lame if you will, but it was kinda nice to end the week with a relaxing Friday night in, watching Ocean’s Eleven after a mini-Joss Stone karaoke session in my apt (where no one else has to hear haha). Forgot how much I love her music. She was pretty much my life soundtrack during my Manhattan commute from Roosevelt Island to Tiffany’s back in the day. Woah. That was 2006. Way back. Flashbacks.

As for classes, I’m ready for the semester to be over. Love my program and all, but I’m already ready to get back to a 9-5 job again. Just realized as I wrote that that I haven’t really worked a 9-5 job for about 2 years… HarperCollins was more like a 9-9 job and in my semi-retirement, I rarely worked more than one 5 hour day a week. Hmm… Either way, I’m trying not to rush the whole grad school experience, but I’m ready for real life ish. I’ll get a blip of it during my (hopeful UW-Madison athletics) internship this summer to some extent and hope my plan for that continues to go well as well as it has this week.

For those in Raleigh keeping up with the craziness, I’m excited to be back for about a week around Christmas (tentatively the 22^nd-30^th) to visit everyone! Lunches & Bad Lights Night are already being booked, but I’m hoping to go to the Canes games on the 23^rd, 26^th &/or 29^th with all who would like to join, and a Rudino’s trip to visit my favorite bartender… and by visit I mean give him enough shit to make up for the season of football & college bball he’ll be missing. If anyone wants to play for any of that (or anything else… swanky bowling, perhaps?), shoot me an email or something and let me know. I have such a short time to cram in so much, and of course, spend some time with the madre, too.

In general, I’m glad the calm from the sunrise beach trip has kept going & ready for the fun stuff coming up in the next month ish. Life is so much better when things are semi-effortlessly going well :)

just a shot in the dark

If I learned 1 lesson from life in the real world, it’s that time spent on anything other than what makes you happy (or working toward it) is silly. I’m not saying ditch all responsibility and go party all the time. More like figure out what makes you happy and who you’re happiest around, then go do those things and spend time with those people. Life is too short to be upset with your situation- career, social, relationship, location, whatever. I’ve made my rule as an adult that I can’t complain or be upset about something unless I’m working to change it.  It may involve taking a risk, making myself vulnerable, extra work or a sacrifice somehow, but the way I see it, if whatever makes you happy is really worth it, you should take that chance and go for it.

I’m not always the best at practicing what I preach, though. Whenever life stuff gets in the way and I get caught up in the stupid crap that doesn’t matter, heading to the nearest large body of water, especially to watch the sun rise or set (beach is by far the best, but big lakes are a good substitute when land locked :) ) helps me put things in perspective and realize what really matters. I think it’s something about being 1 of very few people in a wide open, seemingly infinite space (going somewhere where you can see the stars really clearly is awesome, too) that makes you realize how small and insignificant some of the stuff you’re stressing over really is and then you can shift your priorities back to what you care about most. Whatever it is, I kinda needed it this weekend. I wasn’t particularly stressed, but had a lot on my mind about a bunch of different things, and decided to hop in the car to Orlando where I picked up one of my closest friends, then headed to the coast after a 4 hour nap.

Putting my toes in the sand and watching the (giant) waves crash with that being pretty much the only sound out there did the trick. Definitely calmed my nerves and helped clear my mind. Fantastic brunch with good friends followed, which made the trip that much more awesome. Yay for spontaneous sunrise beach trips :)

Getting lighter, but still no sun... stupid clouds

Sunrise for real!

chop and change

One of my favorite Black Keys songs has a line that summarizes my adult life pretty well- “The regular she’d rearrange, the girl knew how to chop and change.” The most consistent thing in my life is change- usually change of address. I’ve been in Gainesville for literally a month and 7 days, and already I’m considering moving. Ridiculous? Perhaps. That’s just how I do things. When something fun shows up, 9 times out of 10, I’m down for whatever it is. 

5 weeks into life as a grad student, the real work is starting to kick in. After getting overwhelmed with the reading load last week (for like 5 mins until I found perspective and prioritized life), I plan to devote my entire day to writing my first paper. Ok, I have 2 or 3 side missions planned, too, and if it’s sunny, I’ll likely jump in the pool for a bit, but those will be sanity breaks. I can only sit still for so long. I cranked out a pretty kick ass intro page in about 20 mins last night (writing inspiration comes post-midnight, apparently), so I’m not too worried about it. I’m writing about student-athletes and how the de-personalization of coaching style can hinder their psychosocial development. Already managed to work my existential debate between a career in sports journalism or academic advising into my grad program :)

I’ve been walking the fine line between burning out and failing out, but now I think I’ve found the work/school/life balance I feared was a myth for a while. I started advising students in the office last week, and am told I’ve been progressing well so far. We were told we needed to read for the forest and not the trees in Theory, which helped reduce a good chunk of class stress (I applied it to both reading-heavy classes, even though it wasn’t said in History… hoping that works out ok). I’ve found a bunch of awesome friends that are fantastic at making me laugh out loud even via text at completely odd times (ie: at the bus stop, walking to my apt, any time where someone alone randomly cracking up would make you question their sanity) and I love them all for that. One has even become my scheming buddy, though what we’re scheming for, I’m not at liberty to say yet, lest it ruin the stealthy operation we’ve got going on. Laura visited last weekend and got to meet my grad school friends and go to the Tennessee game with us. It was awesome to have her experience Gator football so she could finally see what I get so crazy about. Hopefully it makes a little more sense now :) Hockey and college bball are about to be back in less than a month, which means it will become work/school/life/sports balance soon, but not necessarily in that order. I’ve severely neglected the sports blog, but once this paper’s done, I’ll get right on it. Life is a little overwhelming right now, but it’s a good overwhelming. 

ain't no rest for the wicked...

I realized today I’ve only been back in Florida for 3 weeks, but it almost seems like I never even left. (No offense to my NYC or Raleigh friends… you know what I mean) As I waited on campus for my bus to show up, it was impossible not to notice that it’s like 2 degrees away from traditional perfect UF football weather today. Of course, this prompted a flood of thoughts, which made me realize I hadn’t written a blog post in a while due to the insanity of the past 2 weeks…

That being said, the crazy past 2 weeks have been phenomenal. I’m really enjoying my 3 classes and have a fantastic trio teaching them.  My cohort is pretty damn awesome, and so are the 2^nd years. My assistantship is absolutely amazing, as is everyone in my office. It’s great to be back at UF, but also kind of surreal seeing it from this different point of view since I kind of run things now. (ok, I don’t really run much of anything yet, but I have my own office, keys to the AAC(!!), and I’ll be advising students starting in October for Spring advance registration and cannot wait!) If there was any doubt in my mind about whether I made the right choice turning down the Ph.D. at Wisconsin, it is long gone (though that also would have been a great opportunity- don’t get me wrong- but I can’t imagine another situation being more fitting than this). Everything definitely happens for a reason!

I’ll admit, there was a brief anxiety flare when I realized I was out of practice with the whole balancing working, classes and being social thing, but now I'm good. It just threw me to actually have to read for classes… I’ve always been one of those intuitive end of the spectrum students that never has to study and just innately gets logical concepts. Emphasis on the logical. Sciences (logic-based), things with rules (like writing and learning languages), or anything that involves drawing conclusions from observations (like psych) I can do in my sleep. Give me history or anything that just involves memorization without application like that and I’m not so good. I knew grad school actually required a little reading (sense the sarcasm), but reading for classes if I wanted to and not because I had to to understand in undergrad had me a little off. That and my 5 years away from classes. The plethora of free time I've had this past year and a half is shot. In the words of my life mentee: welcome back to college from semi-retirement. ps- For those of you upset because I haven’t returned calls or said hi in a while, this should explain why.

This week, I planned my slow days better so I can celebrate my 2 self-made holidays—First Day of Gator Football and First Day of Packer Football—and still get all my reading done, with an added trip to Orlando to visit my bff and 1 of my favorite people on the planet, and managing teams in 4 fantasy drafts. Busy week ahead, but yay for football!

Perpetual Christmas Morning

Sunday morning, before the sun came up, I started the 9 hour drive (which ended up being about 7.5 plus stops… shhh) to Alex, Scott & Kyle’s house in Georgia. I was crashing there a) to visit, cause it had been a while since I'd seen my pseudo-nephew, and b) because they’re about 1.5 hours from Gainesville, and arriving after a night of actual sleep instead of post 9 hour drive seemed like a much better idea. I had a great time visiting with them, and realizing how close they will be now made me that much more excited about the move.

I don’t think it really hit me until I left their place Monday morning that I was finally actually going to grad school. As soon I got on 75, I blasted Gainesville Rock City by Less Than Jake on the iPod. That was about when feeling like Perpetual Christmas Morning started. (I'm not a very emotional person, but I come up with some awesome emotion analogies from time to time. This would be one of them.) I played some more LTJ, followed by Tom Petty to show some love for the musical boys of Gainesville. I kept catching myself hitting the gas a little harder than normal with every exit I passed, knowing I was that much closer to the new apartment. Driving down Newberry, some things brought back memories, while I noticed a bunch of changes, too. Finally, I crossed 13^th and University, just blocks away from the apartment.

It was surreal driving up to the real life version of what I’d looked at on the website about 80 billion times during the planning process. I used to pass the block where the apartments now are pretty often when I took the Greyhound from Tallahassee to visit Soo and Preston on weekends before I transferred. It looks almost nothing like it used to (and that’s not a bad thing). I pulled into the parking garage knowing my long ass drive was finally over and I was finally home. I got everything upstairs and unpacked way quicker than I’d expected and had some time to run to Butler Plaza (like the old days!!) to pick up food (from Publix!!!) and house stuff I was waiting to buy till I got here. I called my original 2 Gator friends and made them guess where I was and had these little nostalgia moments via phone, cause it seemed like it should be as exciting for them that I was here as it was for me. (Totally not the case from the sarcastic-turned-to-genuine response I got from one of them haha)

Today was day 1 of hopefully a lot working in academic advising. Ok, I didn’t really do anything today. I was shown my office (yes, MY office!), checked my computer access, met a ton of people, and did about an hour of observation, but still. Most of my day involved transfer info, which ironically is the one area I could likely train someone else (thanks to my impulsive and indecisive nature). I’m a little too excited to go back tomorrow and get started on my training, but that’s just a sign that you’re doing what you’re supposed to, right? Between move in day, starting the assistantship, and just generally being back in Gainesville, I've never felt more sure about a decision I'd made than I do about choosing this program.

There has been so much more I’ve wanted to write, but to put it all in one blog post would bore the crap out of anyone reading it and likely be a little overwhelming at the same time. More will definitely be posted and soon. I may need to update the title to Week of Perpetual Christmas Morning Feeling…
So. Freaking. Excited.

it's the end of an era

After 5 years of debate, procrastination, and planning, tomorrow, before the dawn, I leave for grad school. I spent the day loading the Jeep with the stuff I’d spent the past month or so packing. My rule was that if I couldn’t fit it in the Jeep, it didn’t need to go. Needless to say, every square inch of the Jeep is loaded with stuff. Literally. Glove box. Console. Under the seats. There’s even rolled up hoodies and some flat stuff surrounding the spare tire. The only space I left is so I can still see out the windows at least a little bit.

I’ve spent the past week and a half meeting up with my Raleigh friends to hang out and say goodbye. Some I hadn’t seen for a while. Others I saw on a regular basis. Goodbyes always suck regardless. In my mind, I’d always thought of NC as a temporary stop and never really thought of it as home. Florida was home. Manhattan felt more like home #2 while I was there, partially because my family is from NY, but also partially because it felt like a natural fit. I’ll be honest- I don’t think I really gave NC a fair shot.

Despite all that, as I’ve been finishing my time living here, I realized just how much I actually enjoyed it. I learned hockey here. I had seasons here. Most importantly, I’ve met a bunch of awesome people here, several of whom are still gonna be stuck with me as a friend for a while. I have a tendency to not realize how people have impacted my life until I’m moving on to my next big adventure, and the same was true here.

After we all went our separate ways following my going away dinner last night, it hit me that after I leave, things won’t be the same whenever I come back. My life mentee and one of my oldest Raleigh friends will be heading to grad school, locations tbd, but with more options out of Raleigh than in. Some friends are as nomadic as I am, and considering moves around that time as well. One of the other Raleigh friends I’ve known the longest left the state about a month ahead of me for Texas.

I’ve definitely learned some interesting life lessons in my NC limbo experience. A lot of what not to do both job and life-wise, but hey, that’s how you figure life out. It may have had its rough patches along the way, but there are definitely a ton of good memories I’ll take with me. It’s been fun NC, but it’s time to move on.

The end of an era, for sure…

the new happily ever after

Warning: spoilers abound

I just got back from seeing Friends with Benefits. I enjoyed the movie, and came out of the theater a little more surprised than I thought I would. Not because the ending surprised me. Quite the opposite. In fact, the lack of surprise at the ending is what perplexed me most.

A friend and I had gotten movie passes through a LivingSocial deal with Fandango this summer, so I’d seen quite a few movies recently. FWB triggered an analysis that I believe has been brewing for a while in the back of my mind—the evolution of the romantic comedy.

It used to be that the boy next door eventually got the girl. The girl who was even forgotten by her own family got a birthday cake & wish come true when her popular high school crush waited for her outside a church.  The college acquaintances who annoyed the crap out of each other when they drove semi-cross-country together realized they were meant to be after about 10 years of chance encounters. In many scenarios, the guy and girl who started off as enemies for a variety of reasons end up falling for each other in the end. Not so much anymore…

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like times have changed. Ok, Pretty Woman had the rich guy and his pseudo-call girl fall in love, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s was a somewhat similar twist on the girl-next-door thing, but they were the exception. Lately, there’s been the drunken one night stand that resulted in a kid and a happily ever after. Or the guys that habitually attend weddings, creating false identities for the sole purpose of one night of anonymous sex not only both finding their happily ever afters, but also rescuing one girl from an ass of a fiancé in the process. Or various scenarios where a fake relationship is created to cover for an almost discovered lie to a current significant other, in which the fake relationship turns out to be the better one. Most recently, there was a more complicated one where best friend A secretly cheated with best friend B’s fiancé, while best friend B was secretly cheating with her fiance’s best friend. Somehow all that cheating led to two happily ever afters and no real hard feelings, while a perfectly awesome single guy who was in love with best friend A (and available) all along remains single at the end of the film. Which brings me back to FWB and the booty call turning into a fairy tale relationship.

I’m not against these movies. In fact, Pretty Woman, Knocked Up & Wedding Crashers are 3 movies I own and love. I get that times have changed. I don’t think I’m terribly cynical (more of a realistic, logical girl), but I am a bit skeptical about the classic boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after thing. It’s too simple. In the real world, it doesn’t just happen that way. There’s more to it.

Maybe these movies are taking a more realistic turn, in a way. The unlikely possibility of the traditional plot-- guy meets girl, they face a minor conflict, then reunite where the guy has an emotional heart-to-heart with said girl, resulting in resolution and a kiss in a random public location-- taking place in real life was even discussed in FWB. Hell, The Break-Up was refreshing in a way, with the couple actually parting ways at the end of the film like would have happened in real life, even though it left the audience feeling like we were lacking closure without the fairy tale ending we're so used to. Since we tend to base our expectations (or at least hopes) on what we see in movies and tv (also brought up in FWB), it makes sense that they would be evolving to more closely match what actually goes on in real life to some degree, and not some glorified ideal that is harder for the general public to relate to.

I get that casual sex is becoming a more accepted, almost expected part of life, and therefore, potentially the start to more real life relationships. I just found it kind of funny that the lesson I’ve taken from the movies I’ve seen lately is that if you create an intricate false life, cheat, or find a one-night stand or friend with benefits, you up your chances at finding your happily ever after.

wabi-sabi

explanation 1: "as a single idea, wabi-sabi fuses two moods seamlessly: a sigh of slightly bittersweet contentment, awareness of the transience of earthly things, and a resigned pleasure in simple things that bear the marks of that transience" -The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, written by Amy Rosenthal

explanation 2: Japanese aesthetic that "defines beauty as imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete" -The Bucolic Plague, written by Josh Kilmer-Purcell


I was first introduced to this term in Manhattan circa 2006 when reading The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. I fell in love with the book (a hilarious and light-heartedly insightful memoir that anyone with a quirky sense of humor like mine would thoroughly enjoy) and was intrigued by the term, but like most other things I'm intrigued by in life, I got too distracted by, well, life, to follow up on it with much existential pondering as I'd intended. In fact, I'd pretty much completely forgotten about it (like most other things in life...) until just yesterday when I came across it again reading The Bucolic Plague (another awesome book- memoir of the couple from The Fabulous Beekman Boys. Both the book and the show are light-heartedly insightful and things that anyone with a quirky sense of humor like mine would thoroughly enjoy). Seeing the term "wabi-sabi" again triggered something in my oft-overactive brain. That's not a term you come across everyday, unless you're studying Japanese aesthetics, perhaps. I went crazy for the next 24ish hours, scouring my memory for which book (memoir) Soo suggested I read that also contained this term, eventually landing on TEoaOL, where I found explanation 1 (see above).

Perhaps the reason I was so struck by this term, aside from it's obvious off-beat-ness with a side of deeper meaning, was the way it seemed to click with my life. Not just now- though now it's particularly fitting- but pretty much consistently. (I realize consistent wabi-sabi is almost a contradiction in itself, but it makes sense.)

Anyone who knows me well knows my affinity for impermanence. Hell, people usually figure that much out about an hour into meeting me. I've had 22 addresses and 14 roommates in 26 years. I attended classes at 4 different colleges. Transience provides some level of comfort for me. My biggest fear is the concept of opportunity lost forever, so it stands to reason constant change would create some level of zen since it is essentially an expression of endless possibility. The idea of slightly bittersweet contentment reference in explanation 1 is addressed unknowingly in the back to the future blog post. Ironic foreshadowing.

Incomplete seems like an obvious one seeing as I'm still breathing, but honestly, my list of things to do before I die is pretty extensive. And incomplete. I've been working on a bunch of them, but it seems every time I cross something off, I add something else. The very definition of wabi-sabi.

Last but far from least- imperfection. Again, super obvious to anyone I meet pretty much as soon as I open my mouth. I tease that I have no filter sometimes, and tend to let the silly out without fear of repercussion (mostly outside of professional settings, at least until I test the boundaries). I'm an open book. No topic is taboo with me, because I embrace my flaws. I've learned from them. They're part of my personality. Take it or leave it. I've got nothing to hide, because my imperfections may help someone else with theirs. I prefer to be around people who are real more so than those who put up a perceptively perfect front. Cue quote inclusion...

"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." -Magical Thinking, written by Augusten Burroughs

A spontaneously changing ball of flaws infinitely in progress... sounds about right :)


**Side note: I had more profound thoughts to expand on when I originally had this little epiphany yesterday afternoon, but a) I got distracted and b) espn is on in the background and NFL trades are being discussed, which essentially means my ability to focus on anything else drops drastically.
**Side note #2: I highly recommend the reading of all three of the books quoted above. The authors are fantastic.
**Side note #3: Yes, I am a quote fiend.

back to the future

Every time a pseudo-life changing event is in the works-- and let's face it, that's about once a year with me-- I get so excited about the new stuff that I start to ignore what's going on right now. Especially when it comes to a big move, when I should be spending more time with the family and/or friends I'm about to leave, I tend to spend more time deliberating over the logistics of the move instead. I try to coordinate events and times to meet up with everyone, but when plans fall through, I'm happily distracted by sketching out the layout of my new place and mentally decorating it.

It's never until the new wears off, usually about 2-3 months after the pseudo-life changing event, that I start to appreciate the situation I just left. Whether it was a job, apartment, state, hair color, whatever, I often don't appreciate it till it's gone. Not to say the new things aren't awesome, cause most of the time they are. It makes me wonder, though, if half the reason I change things up so often is because I love the excitement that comes with change. Don't get me wrong-- sometimes it's actually that the previous situation sucked. Not to unbearable levels, but levels of suckiness enough to justify the effort it takes to change them. (See: Camden) Sometimes, it's been my whole you-only-live-once motto kicking in. (See: 2 stints in Manhattan) Often, it's because I'm not where I want to be, either physically or metaphorically speaking, and life is too short to wait around when you come to that realization.

NC has been great for many reasons, and not so great for some, too. Getting emails about the impending awesomeness that awaits back in Gainesville has gotten me super hyped up for fall. And not just because of football, I promise! (Though, yes, that's part of the exciting stuff.) I'm excited to hang out with the people in my cohort and the 2nd years in our program. I'm excited about going back to class. I'm excited about working in the AAC (talk about creepy-in-a-good-way foreshadowing). I'm excited about my new place (no roommates this time! no offense... :) ). I'm excited about writing papers and reading new textbooks. I'm excited to plan my summer internship (Helsinki or Italy... Helsinki or Italy...). I'm not excited about loans, but honestly, they're so not bad it's almost ridiculous. I'm excited for everything that's coming with going back to my home state & my alma mater for grad school. Now for the next 29 days, I have to remember to appreciate everything in Raleigh that's also awesome before I leave it till Christmas break.

thinking outside the comfort zone

I’m a self-proclaimed city girl. Outside the humidity & heat of a Florida beach, I feel most at home on the crowded streets of midtown Manhattan. I lean toward the liberal side, though I am a firm believer in keeping an open mind and respecting the beliefs of others. I’ve never been a huge fan of country music (though I have a serious soft spot for bluegrass. Go figure.).

This weekend, I stepped outside my comfort zone to visit one of my closest friends in the mountains of Virginia. I swam in a lake at night where I could see fish in the day. I was surrounded by a constant stream of music played by a large group of genuinely talented musicians. I drank from a mason jar. I listened to country music and actually kinda liked it. I gained three new pseudo-family members. I had a great weekend.

It was great to disconnect from technology and social media and reconnect with a close friend I haven’t gotten to hang out with as much since we moved to different states. All thoughts of things that need to be done, trips that need to be planned, and financial and time concerns got left behind in Raleigh as my life mentee and I headed to a stress and drama free weekend. The lake and the people that came with it were amazing.

Any concerns I had of not blending in being “north” and all were completely gone the second we stepped into the house and were greeted by our adopted SML mom and whisked away to go night swimming with a new batch of friends. A wide variety of ages and personalities were represented throughout the weekend, but everyone was so accepting and friendly, the only (minor) disagreements came over sports teams. And even those were mostly teasing. The love and sense of family was so intense it was obvious even to those of us experiencing a SML band jam for the first time.

I realized as I was driving home that despite the many differences, it reminded me a lot of my Long Island Italian family. There are often a bunch of us around, some of us blood related, some not. There is always enough food for the group and then some, just typically pasta and desserts instead of grilling out. There is often sitting around for hours, not necessarily doing anything that costs money or is particularly organized, but rather just enjoying each other's company. And there is always room in the family for more "cousins" no matter where you're from. The lines blur between friends and family.

Words cannot accurately express the effect this trip had. I may have spent the weekend doing things somewhat out of the ordinary for me and trying new things, but thanks to my adopted SML fam, I felt right at home :) 

fresh start

This fall, I’m moving back to my home state of Florida to return to my alma mater for grad school. While I wouldn’t trade my experiences since I left in 2006 for anything, I’m excited for a fresh start when I go back in August. Some friends have been encouraging me to start a blog documenting the deliberated spontaneity that is my life, but a little life realization today finally gave me the inspiration I needed to get it started.

Quick flashback so my epiphany makes sense… About 2 years ago, I watched Food, Inc. and read Fast Food Nation and several Michael Pollan books, a combination that led me to change how I ate pretty drastically. I have almost completely eliminated eating fast food and processed packaged foods, eat red meat even less often than before (and now only eat it when I know it is local, hormone-free, vegetarian-diet, etc.), and avoid dairy products that aren’t hormone-free as much as possible. The more I’ve stuck to this new way of eating, the better I’ve felt. I could talk for days on this and related topics, but saving that for another entry. …and back on topic…

Recent events in my social life had me questioning if I had let my judgment slip regarding how and with whom I spend my time, and today, I had a bit of an existential epiphany as I walked through Whole Foods picking up tofu, organic baby greens, hormone-free cheese and my favorite Tazo tea (Brambleberry. Highly recommended for fans of the dark herbal flavor of chai and tartness of blackberries). I realized a parallel between my friendships and food. (and yes, I have a knack for relating almost anything back to food, but stay with me here.) I realized that to have a true—organic, if you will—friendship, you have to remove anything artificial that goes into it. No unnatural sweetener to make the bitter, raw, unrefined parts more tolerable. No preservatives like passive-aggressive avoidance of conflict to make it last longer than it should on its own accord. No additives like showy gifts or clique-y behavior to make the friendship seem bigger or more appealing than it is.

All of these things were relevant to my recent social musings and made me realize that I’m starting fresh not just in Florida, but in NC as well, and with this fresh start, I’m following the same rules I do with food. I’m going back to sticking with natural friendships where I don’t have to worry about needing the fake stuff to keep things from going bad. I’m investing more in quality than quantity. Just like food, I’m choosing the friends that are better for me in the long run over the artificial ones that seem appealing at first glance, but will likely end up harming you in some way down the road. Thanks, Whole Foods, for this totally unexpected life lesson.